I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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