We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
