I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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