we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
