You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
