Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
