i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My vagina just clenched in fear
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
