she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
