Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
