I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
