Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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