if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
