Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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