Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
