Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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