anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
