Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My balls are so social today.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He has the fingertips of a God
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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