I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
