Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
