Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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