I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
