don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
