Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
