If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
