it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
