Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize