just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
