Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
BRING THE BAGELS
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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