Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
