Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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