Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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