Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
