using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
