what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Swine flu is the new snow day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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