why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
