Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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