Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
