My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
