i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
