Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
