he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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