I think I am morally bankrupt
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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