Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
