dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
