thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
