She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
