I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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