I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i drank out of a bidet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
