Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
