I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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