whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
