i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize