I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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