i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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