How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
