my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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