I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
