Plan B is the new Plan A
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
