Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
