when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize