shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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