Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
