He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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