There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
