She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
