she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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