"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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