If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
