My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
