I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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