It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
