My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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