i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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