Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
