Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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