All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
