he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
