I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
