she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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