So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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