3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
