I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
