then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
