i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
