I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my liver is dry heaving
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I would fuck him just for his dog
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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