I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I've blown a few things in my day
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
