Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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