Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
