I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
