He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
