on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize