Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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