its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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