we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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