we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
