she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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