so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Randomize
