I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
